Thursday, February 24, 2011

Basic Truths

I find it quite odd that I have the desire to write a length monologue when I know that no one will probably ever read it. It also seems strange that this moment, when I sit down and write to my audience of zero, is what I have been looking forward to all day.

Being a teenager in this modern world, I am quite blessed to have learned some truths. These truths should be extremely obvious to anyone who is breathing, but not everyone seems to fully realize what I have come to realize in my short, sixteen years of life. So, alas, I must lay them out in plain English for all of you less observant people. Please, please, please listen and most importantly learn from what I am about to tell you. It may be shocking.

Basic Truths as told by a Normal, Invisible Girl

1. Bathrooms stink: This one is the very basic of my truths. It should be quite obvious, but it seems the first words out of a person's mouth when walking into the restroom is something along the lines of, "Holy COW! It STINKS in here!" Whoa, really? You don't say? Do I have to remind you that this just happens to be a bathroom. What'd you expect  it to smell like? Bath and Body Works?

2. More straws does not make drinking easier: Okay, I admit that most people don't know this one. It's not that obvious, but I promise you, more straws is NOT a good idea. My dear friend Austin tried Tuesday. He tried to use ten or fifteen straws to drink his frosty. I don't think he ever got a taste. It looked almost painful.

3. The last piece of gum is always the hardest to hold on to: It's true. You know as soon as you pull out your pack of gum and you see that there's only one piece left, you're going to have to fight for it. The person closest to you always asks as soon as they see it, "Hey, can I have some gum?" It's my last piece. "...Can I have some gum?" ... NO! Also, as soon as you take it out of the pack, all the forces of nature suddenly conspire against you. If I'm in the car, it slips into that little crack between the seat. You know, the one your hand is just barely to big to fit down? Yep. If I'm walking somewhere or just standing around, somehow that little piece manages to slip out of my fingers and fall on the ground, usually falling into some gutter or getting stepped on. The odd thing is, even if I drop that last piece, I eat it. Gross, but that was my last piece.

4. Talking and texting are NOT interchangeable: While you can text what you talk, you can't talk what you text. There is no way I'm sitting down next to that guy I text from math class and saying, "Hey studly ;)". I'm sorry, but that's not happening, enough said.

5. Never trust your dad with your laundry: My jacket is ruined. It's very cold. That's all I have to say on the matter.

I hope your lives, dear nonexistent readers, is forever bettered by my life changing truths. I'm always willing to lend my vast knowledge.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

The Begining

After an entire day of being stuck in bed, sick, and being driven nearly mad with lack of things to do to procrastinate the more important things in my life-like my book report, overdue essay, four math assignments, and guitar practice-I have decided to start a blog.
This blog serves as a half journal and half procrastiation tool-for facebook no longer does the trick. My blog also serves as another device to further humiliate me and my close friends by allowing me to post our crazy and idiotic adventures on the internet for all who care-and don't care-to see. Enjoy.