Sunday, June 30, 2013

New News

Audience!! I am please to report that last week we had a record number of views... in ONE DAY! Crazy, right? I am so proud of you, my small number of followers. I take pride in knowing that somewhere, somehow, there are people who care about my random, nonsensical ramblings...

But on the other hand...

Seriously guys? Record number and then BOOM!!


Consistency is key, people. That's what my coaches (NOT life coaches) and boss have always said.

So let's try and keep up our numbers ;)

Have good days.

Friday, June 28, 2013

Love Hate Relationships

Couples. They're everywhere, especially at the "Get Married RIGHT Now" college I go to. You don't see them that often during fall semester, but as soon as the harsh winter is over and the sun starts to peek its head out from behind the clouds--BOOM!

But really, though. They're everywhere. It's nearly impossible to get to class without getting clotheslined by some couple holding hands or trip on a pair of love birds trying to say their last goodbye...until they get to see each other in an hour.

I used to hate couples. They used to bring out the grumpy cat glare in me as I saw them canoodling all over campus.

I've had a change of heart. I feel like the Grinch.

I think it's the over exposure to adorably irresistible couples. Sometimes you can't help but love them. Now I see couples and instead of, "Gosh dang it... why can't that be me... I hate you all!" I feel more like, "AWWWWWW!!! I LOVE you guys! Why can't that be me?!"

Sometimes it can be equally frustrating, but most of the time I just simply live vicariously through the adorable couples...

That is the end of my little rant on how I hatelove couples. As always, my small audience, I love and treasure each one of your page views.

Have good days.

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Not All That Surprising

Hello again, small audience! I'm pleased to see that at least a few people out there have taken a peek into my rather normal life. It makes me feel abnormal.

My stories for today are pretty short.

To give you a little background and context, I work in sales--knife sales. I've been working for about two weeks and my manager is convinced I'm the best. Okay, not really, but he still has WAY to much confidence in me. (Advertising Note: If anyone wants to help me out, that'd be awesome! I get paid to do demos and I am lacking. I also need 200 names for recommendations for a contest coming up!)

Anyways, yesterday we had a meeting about selling knives. No way, right? During the meeting I look down and I am bleeding. I have an inch long cut on the side of my leg.

How the FREAK did that happen?! I had been sitting down and the only time I had recently moves was to go to lunch! The only possible thing I could think of was when I had gone to sit down I had to squeeze past some people and someone must have sliced me with a knife. That sounds CRAZY, but at my job, that would be completely normal..

After my meeting, my coworker, Abbie, and I went shopping. Simple task, right? WRONG. I was just finishing trying on some clothes and was putting my skirt back on when SNAP. My zipper broke. My skirt was now unwearable. I had no back up. NOTHING.

Solution: I had to BUY pants. I went to the counter with a pair of their pants on and another in my arms. I bought the pants, then went back to change. I also bought a new shirt. I had to buy a completely new outfit so I could get home without being a public menace.

Stupid knives. Stupid clothes. Anyone know where to get a nice, denim pencil skirt? I seem to need a new one..

Monday, June 24, 2013


I keep saying it; I keep saying I'm going to write regularly and then I don't. Is it that I don't have time? Possibly. Is it that I live a boring life? Also possible. Could it be that I don't know how to write? Not likely, though I may feel like I am lacking the in skills needed to entertain an audience with peals of stomach churning laughter.

I keep trying, though.

Let me tell you about the Ducks of Provo. Yes, Ducks with a capitol D. These are no ordinary ducks; these ducks have evolved into a special breed capable of survive the most vigorous conditions that one can find on a college campus. These Ducks' survival skills are so finely tuned that their senses are pricked by even the slightest movement... of a human being reaching into a bag of bread. Oh yes, these Ducks are so wild, they survive on the breadbasket of the American dream--the leftovers of college students.

Feeding the Ducks is always a nice, fallback activity for the active college student. There is nothing more peaceful than watching ducks swimming lazily around a small pond. The other day, my friend Nathan and I decided to participate in this mind-numbing activity.

We had all of the appropriate equipment (transportation and a supply of bread in the form of hamburger buns), but the experience did not go as planned. To our surprise, we found that the Ducks of Provo are so highly evolved that they have acquired a specific taste. They wouldn't take our bread if there was crust on it. Seriously? Crust.

Piece after piece of perfectly good bread floated and slowly dissolved as the Ducks turned up their beaks at them. Spoiled beasts. My throws quickly turned violent as a aimed my small projectiles at the Ducks.

Finally, victory. I landed a piece directly on the back of a Duck.

Skill. Right there.

That is all. Until next time, my microscopic audience. Don't worry, I'm a microbiology major--I like microscopic. It's the macroscopic creatures that through me..